When you get engaged, it won’t be long before friends and family start to get curious about their role in your big day. Most people do have dreams of being in someone else’s wedding and would jump at the opportunity if you asked. That being said, there can be a lot of people in your life who are hopeful that you will ask them, or worse, expectant. So how do you pick your wedding party.
Maid of Honour & Best Man
The maid of honour and the best man are the two most important people in the bridal party. They will have the most responsibility before the wedding begins and during and after the big day. Usually, people pick their best friend for this job, regardless if it is a friend or a family member. The tricky part is when you have more than one best friend, or a best friend and a sibling or cousin you are incredibly close with.
When it comes time to decide between one or more people who you are very close with, the best thing to set aside is others’ expectations of you. Your personal decision should not be influenced by what others want. What you can do to help you decide is to think about availability and impact. One of your friends may have just gotten married themselves, or had a baby, or lives in a different city. These are all factors in whether or not they will be available or financially able to be your #1 (other than your fiancé) for your wedding. If your bestie is quite busy, but you really want them to fulfill the maid of honour or best man job, then ask them. Even if they say no, they will always have the knowledge you asked them first. If someone says no, however, let them know you are going to ask someone else soon so they cannot change their mind.
Bridesmaids & Groomsmen
You can have as few or as many members in your wedding party as you want, and the bigger your wedding, the bigger your wedding party (traditionally). The only thing we really suggest is not falling into the trap of feeling that since you asked one person in a specific group, you have to ask another. Just because your favourite cousin is in your wedding party doesn’t mean that all your other 15 cousins have to be as well. If you are struggling to get your wedding party numbers down, one way that you can help yourself choose is to have a single “representative” from each area of your life: one old friend, one current friend, one family member, etc.
Flower Girl & Ring Bearer
Picking a flower girl and ring bearer can be more difficult than your maid of honour or best man. If you have a lot of nieces and nephews or your friends all have kids, then there are probably a lot of people assuming you will pick their little one to be a part of your big day. If there are just too many and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, then you can always opt out of having a flower girl or ring bearer or have multiple flower girls and ring bearers (think of the cute photo!). There is also nothing wrong with making the call and just selecting one or two kids you know. If they are special to you, and having them there with you on your big day is important, then make it happen.
What to Avoid
You need to make decisions that are right for you, but there are a few things to avoid that will help save you both headache and heartache down the road.
Do not flip-flop:
Once you have asked someone, unless there are serious issues, stick to your decision. If someone turns down your offer then wants back in, you cannot demote someone else for them without seriously hurting feelings.
Do not be swayed:
If you do not ask someone to be in your wedding party, do not give in later because of pressure. This opens up the floodgates, and you can end up with tons of people crashing your wedding party.
Do not doubt yourself:
Your decisions are valid! Once you have picked your wedding party, you don’t have to explain it to anyone.
Have fun planning and trust your gut! We’re sure you’ll make the right choice.